How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
