Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
