All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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