I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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