theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
