he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
