oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
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leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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