Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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