if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
