she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
