Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
