put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
