My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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