I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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