I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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