his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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