If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
