I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
try to milk me bitch
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
