she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
