The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
