Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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