I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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