This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
