I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We need to rekindle our bromance
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
