these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
