I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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