If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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