If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Two words: blizzard sex
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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