Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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