i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
