I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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