we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
