I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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