So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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