Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
