i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can you bring me the toilet please
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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