I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
