I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
