I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
