i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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