Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
