Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
