Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
