I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
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Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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