But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
