I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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