We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Drunk is not a location!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
