last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
