Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
