i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
