Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
