First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
