school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
