After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
