But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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