i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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