he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
