i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
