i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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