Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
