She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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