theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
