I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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