It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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